Yes, I'm in a wheelchair. This doesn't mean I'm unable to do things. It does mean I do things differently. I'll use the handle on a door to get through the door, so you opening the door may have inadvertently made it harder for me. Please don't push my wheelchair without asking. I can't state this forcefully enough. Nothing will send me from zero to furious faster. There is one and I stress only one person who is allowed to do this and I'm married to him.
Tag Archives: wheelchair
“I didn’t want to bother you.” What it really means to me.
Okay as some of you know I have become a wheelchair user. I have noticed several things after this change occurred in my life. I was once a very active volunteer. First I was told that a handicapped accessible museum did not want or need wheelchair users as volunteers. So I thought about fighting this but decided to just move on and spend my time where I would be valued. So I moved on to try and volunteer with the FRG (Family Readiness Group).
I kept hearing the same refrain “I didn’t want to bother you with…”
This frustrated me beyond belief. If I’m reaching out offering my time you are not bothering me. I soon decided that “I didn’t want to bother you” actually translates to “I didn’t think you could do be of any use since you are in a wheelchair. That is very offensive. So for a while I just hid and ignored the world. Yes, I admit that was not the best idea, but I needed time to adjust to having wheels.
So after getting a new ultra light chair I found even more freedom and abilities. I decided it was time to get back out there. I moved forward with the knowledge that I would have to work 5 times as hard as my cohorts since they were walking. I had to prove I could make valuable contributions from my chair.
I set out to get any and all certifications I could so that I would be more valuable to the FRG. So far I have 5, a 6th will come soon. I have been welcomed by the new leadership of the FRG and made some wonderful new friends.
In short I’m saying don’t tell someone you didn’t want to bother them, if they are offering you help. It’s no bother they want to be included. Just because someone is a wheelchair user, don’t count them out, they know their own limits. They can probably do more than you think. If you think something is to difficult for them, ask don’t assume.
My husband will be deploying next year my biggest concern is how to get the trash can to the curb and back. Yep thats it, the trashcan. He knows his job I can take care of myself, the rest is just noise.
When to offer help
Okay as many of you know I’ve been stuck using a wheelchair for some time now. I won’t pretend it hasn’t had its challenges, but I’ve learned a lot in that time as well. I can go to the store on my own, in fact I can do most things for myself unless I’m just plain exhausted. While the chair is a necessity at least until my ankle gets fixed, I don’t want it to define me.
There are times I need help, not many but they do occur. Well I’m a well documented loud mouth (my husband and friends can attest to this), in short if I want or need your help you’ll know. I try to keep the fact that I’m in a wheelchair as out of the way as possible.
When do I ask for help?
- Grocery shopping (trying to reach an item on a high shelf)
- when I’m near exhaustion and climbing a ramp or going through a rough parking lot
- When there is no ramp for me to use
- Pumping gas
Other than times like this I do just fine.
What bugs me is seeing people run across parking lots or stores to open doors for me. Another really annoying thing is when someone just starts pushing me without asking, I mean really that’s just rude. Some people just see the chair, they don’t seem to think I have a brain or any ability to do things for myself. Well this is just not the case.
If I want or need something moved and you are around trust me I’ll make it known. There are times I just prefer to sit off to the side until there’s an opportune moment to do something else, no sense drawing attention to the chair or me. I get enough crazy looks, especially when I have a cat riding point on my lap. (Yes I can and have walked the cats from time to time.)
Now I’m more capable of handling things in the chair than on crutches (how do you carry a cup of hot coffee on crutches?) so I use the chair. I do not have nor do I intend at this time to get a handicapped parking permit, I can use the exercise.
In short don’t talk down to me, don’t ignore me, and rest assured if I want or need your help you’ll know it. My husband is the only one allowed to just start pushing my chair without permission so don’t even think about pushing me around.
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