Don’t take my independence away.

Holidays Apart

I know it’s only September, well almost October. The holidays both Jewish and regular are all around me. The only issue is that my husband is once again in a distant land serving our country. Would I change this?
NO! I love David, I love everything, well almost everything about him. His putting service to our country ahead of himself is part of what I love about him. I know some of you just don’t believe me, but there’s something very special about the men and women who wear the uniform. No, I won’t bore you with everything that makes them so special, but let’s just say they are usually some of the best people you will ever meet.

So what’s a person alone on all of the upcoming holidays to do?Continue reading→

When and how to offer assistance

I’m a wheelchair user, so I face a number of interesting situations.

Ann Bell Feinstein

One thing that seems to be a constant is people with good intentions. I don’t mind the occasional offer of help, but don’t be surprised if I turn it down. Yes, I said “turn it down.” I’ve worked hard to be as self sufficient as possible, and I take pride in “doing it myself.”

I’m not alone in this. With the upcoming holidays, I felt it necessary to give a list of do’s and don’ts when offering assistance to a wheelchair user.

Don’t touch my chair without permission! I view my chair as part of my body. How would you feel if I came up behind you and shoved you in the back or grabbed your arm without asking?
Don’t take things off my lap without asking. Yes, this has happened repeatedly. How would you like me to snatch something out of your hands?
There is no need to bend over to talk to me. It’s my legs that don’t work; my ears are just fine.
Remember I am in this chair 365 days a year. I know what works for me and what doesn’t, so I may have a different method of doing things, but they work for me.
I do have tasks I avoid if at all possible. I hate pumping my own gas. I’ll always say yes to someone offering to do this.
There is no need to point out my disability: I’m well aware of it. Anyone under 10 is excluded. I understand kids are curious. Honest questions are always welcome. I will always stop to explain my chair, especially to a child.
I can open the door. I can even hold the door for you. Yes, that’s right. I have the ability to open most doors myself. If you snatch a door out of my hand, you may actually send me backwards. Sometimes I’m using the interior door handle to straighten my chair and get through the door. This means there is only one hand on my wheels.
Special note to restaurant personnel: I’ll let you know if I need furniture moved. You guessing and trying to make a path wider just draws unwanted attention to me, please don’t.
Don’t cut in front of me in line for the handicapped stall. I really do need the extra room. I also tend to take longer. Banging on the door isn’t going to speed me up; in fact, I may slow down.
Speak to me, not the person with me. I noted above my ears are just fine. So is my brain. I can make my own decisions.
In short I have a big mouth. If I want or need help, you will know. I’m not above grabbing the random stranger to reach an item on a high shelf for me.
What works for me might not work for another wheelchair user. Just ask them if they require any assistance. We are all different.

I said No!

I like many other wheelchair users pride myself on being independent. There are a few, very few things that give me trouble on a daily basis. I can but hate to pump my own gas, I can’t reach the top shelf of the closet, I’ve never changed my own oil.

I was out getting some food from one of my favorite places that has been ruined for me many times by either staff of other customers who were overly helpful. At first it was the staff, the once told me I wasn’t allowed to carry my own sandwich to the table. I was fuming at the thought of not being able to handle my own sandwich. I asked to speak to a manager and asked if this was some new corporate policy. Continue reading→

Rant: Show some consideration….

Today I wanted to go the convenience store here on post during lunchtime. I was hungry and needed a few small items they normally have. So I chose the one closest to my home, not my normal one. When I arrived all of the handicapped spaces were full and not all of them had placards or license plats allowing them to park in these spaces. I do have a placard and with my wheelchair it’s almost a necessity. I drove around the lot for twenty minutes finally a handicapped space opened up. I still couldn’t use it. Why? Someone riding a motorcycle had decided to park in the no parking area next to the handicapped space I needed to unload my wheelchair. I was fuming mad. Thankfully on my next pass a second spot had opened up. I snapped some photos of his bike including his license plate number and went inside. I went into the store to get what I needed, but decided to wait on the food. I wanted to give that motorcycle rider a piece of my mind.

In all honesty I was hungry a bit tired and not in the best of moods, this meant they were in for it. I caught the rider coming out of the store. I stopped him and spoke with him, I reminded him that not only was this illegal, it was inconsiderate and unprofessional especially for a sergeant in the United States Army. He tried to excuse his behavior by claiming he didn’t know what that space with the no parking lines was for, I didn’t buy it then and I don’t buy it now.

After he left I wrote down his name and rank and what unit he belonged to. I had every intention of going down to the unit and filing a complaint, because this is not the first time I’ve had that issue at this store. The store is located near the headquarters of one of the largest units on base. As I was deciding whether to eat first or go straight down to the unit and let them have a piece of my mind so they could fix this issue once and for all. While I was waiting a major from this unit walked by, I flagged him down. I gave him all of the pertinent details and informed him that it was not the first time I had seen such behavior from soldiers in his unit. I also told him that I had spoken with the soldier, but didn’t think he understood the severity of the issue. The soldier had given me the impression that he didn’t really care what I had to say, he did give me an apology, however I think that was just an attempt to pacify me. I just hope the major gets to the bottom of this, I get the feeling he will.

This is not the only inconsiderate thing I have witnessed in recent weeks. On my way back from Oklahoma I stopped at a truck stop to get gas and use the restroom. There were 4 giddy teenage girls in the handicapped stall so I waited patiently. After 45 minutes of waiting I tracked down an adult who was with these teenagers and mentioned their occupation of the stall. I was told that they had every right to use the stall as long as they wanted, just as I had every right to use it as long as I wanted to. Needless to say this did not sit well. Thankfully I was at a truck stop not just a gas station. I found the manager and mentioned the issue to her. She promptly opened the handicapped shower for my use. (Yes, truck stops have showers.) After that the manager proceeded to speak with the adult who was accompanying the teenagers who were still in the bathroom (going on an hour now). The manager was equally frustrated with this behavior. The manager proceeded to ask the group to finish up and leave since they were being rude to other customers.

In short think before you occupy a space designated for handicapped people. If you do use the handicapped stall don’t hold it hostage for an hour, there maybe someone who needs it. Don’t park in the no parking spaces meant for loading and unloading wheelchairs either, it’s not only inconsiderate its illegal.

I guess common sense isn’t so common any more and consideration for others seems to have gone right out the window.