8 sentence excerpt from my WIP

I’m glad I didn’t miss the linky list for Weekend Writing warriors this week. (I did last week. For those of you who missed my excerpt about the radio click here.)

Upon reaching the apartment on the upper level of the bar, she encountered a locked door. Just as she was about to knock, she heard the distinct sound of a shotgun being cocked.

“Stop!” yelled Kate “It’s Claire. I brought a friend. We have come to get you out of here.”

“We thought you were those fools returning,” said Paul.

“We need to talk, but not here. It’s too dangerous,” stated Kate.

“Okay,” Paul said. “We will go with you, but we have to take Sam.”

“Sam,” repeated Kate with a puzzled look. Just then a large cat wandered into the room and started sniffing Kate’s shoes.

“That’s Sam,” explained Paul.

“Okay. Sam can join us. Just hurry. I overheard them planning to come back.”

Kate, hearing three blasts of a horn, scooped up the cat and said, “We must go now!”

0 Comments

  1. burnsmillie

    Only my humble opinion, but this dialogue read a little clunky to me…too many we’s in front of things, a couple places where things would normally be a contraction in speech, especially if people are in a hurry…ie. we’ll instead of we will. Also, maybe a little description between dialogue…I can’t picture these folks in my head, and the door opened somehow, sometime, but when? Like others, before me, I love that Sam is getting taken care of : )

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *